Men terrify me.
In particular, men who hit on me (or I feel as if they are).
The worst is men who hit on me who I'm not attracted to.
Even the ones I AM attracted to make me all nervous and awkward.
The exceptions to this rule are few and include members of my own family, and those male friends who are as close to me as family. Or religiously celibate. Or gay.
I've tried to be rational and think about how this ridiculous behaviour came about. The best I could do was this: I'm afraid of men I'm not attracted to hitting on me because I'm afraid of having to turn them down some time in the future, especially if I consider them a friend. Turning someone down usually involves hurting their feelings (unless things are crystal clear from the start), and I can't bear to hurt someone's feelings. So the options I'm left with are hurt feelings, or grin and bear the awkwardness.
Yep. That's the best I could come up with. Pretty sad, eh?
I'm fine with men in a casual group setting, but in a very small group, or alone, I have a bad habit of going into "fight or flight" mode. Regardless of the reasoning behind it, I'm left with a socially debilitating neurosis. I'm automatically frightened of a huge chunk of the male population. And considering how much I complain about being single, THAT'S UTTERLY FOOLISH!!!
So there you have it. Leah is single because she's afraid of men. And so far, there isn't a damn thing she can do about that.
How do I manage to get into these situations?!?!
1 comment:
Sweet.
I used to only bully children. Now I can bully you, just because I have a penis?
However, fear, seems to be the ongoing issue most of us have, lately. Perhaps you could research 'subspace' to help you get to terms with your fear. Your choice, your power, your control.
I have been on the flipside to that situation, and have gotten over my fear of women. Not really as the expected outcome, but it did happen.
But as always, you need trust to do anything of the sort.
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