Well, tomorrow I'll be leaving my twenties behind and entering the dirty thirties. And so, it seems fitting that I take a look back at my twenties, because I've packed a ridiculous amount of life in the past ten years
EDUCATION:
It seems right to start with education because when I was twenty, I was still in school. I was in my first year of university, having completed two years of CEGEP. For you non-Quebequers, CEGEP is a post-secondary school we that we have here that's meant to either bridge high school and university OR train you for a trade to put you right into the work force. It was the first time I was at school with people that I hadn't know for most of my life. CEGEP was for the most part, an extension of high school, so even if all of my high school friends weren't in my program, they were still at the school so we all still hung out at spares and at lunch. But at university, I actually had to make new friends, and that was kind of scary.
In my first year of university, I was all about my major: theatre. I was SO excited to be in school studying what I was passionate about. I was also doing a major in classical studies, but I considered that my "fall back" degree. I was all about theatre. Sadly, in that first year, I also realized that theatre wasn't like it was in high school. The reality of it sucked and I wasn't up to the challenge. It was hard, cut-throat, elitist, snobby world, and a simple sweet girl like me just didn't belong there. I wasn't making friends, I wasn't being cast in anything, and while my grades were all quite good (A- average), I wasn't thriving. It seems I could only succeed in theatre in theory, and that wasn't good enough for me.
Over the next year, my theatre courseload gradually shrank and my classics one grew as I switch from a double major to a major in classics with a minor in theatre. I began to resent the theatre department. But at the same time, I discovered the Celtic studies department. I started to learn Gaelic under a professor who would become a dear friend and role model to me. She believed in me at a time when I felt that few other people did, and I thrived because of it. She helped my find me roots and find myself, and I'll always be grateful for that. Even if today, we don't see eye to eye on everything, I still consider her to be one of my dearest friends.
By my final year of university, I was all about classics. I dropped all my remaining theatre classes, and ended up even cancelling my theatre degree altogether (with only a couple credits remaining for the diploma!). They screwed me over royally, and I didn't want to have anything to do with them. But that's okay, because I was chin-deep in Latin and ancient history/literature...and loving it. Oh, also Celtic studies, but most of the Celtic studies courses were taught by a professor who was notoriously difficulty to learn from, so those classes were hit or miss - but I still loved the subject matter. They were basically an extension of the classics courses, but from a different part of the world.
In the end, I graduated cum laude (yay!) with a Bachelor of Arts in Classical Studies. I would have loved to do a Masters, but I couldn't afford it. But I found other ways to fed my hungry brain!!
While I Korea in 2008, I lived across the street from a Buddhist temple, so I went to weekly study groups and monthly Dharma talks there to soak up the culture and expand my consciousness. And in 2012, Coursera came on the scene with free university courses. Now, the classes offered by Coursera are of varying degrees of difficulties, so I was not always able to complete them due to life getting in the way, but since I signed up in 2012, I've completed "Introduction to Pharmacology", "Archaeology's Dirty Little Secrets", "Fantasy and Science Fiction: Our Human Mind, Our Modern World" and I'm currently doing "Astrobiology and the Search for Extraterrestrial Life." Plus a handful of other half-finished science and sociology courses. So I've been able to keep learning, even if my formal education is done. :)
I didn't end up working in a career relating to my field of study, but to me, it doesn't really matter. I learned so many other skills in university that made those three years worth the time, effort and money (which I'm still paying for) worth it.
ROMANCE
Another important feature of that first year of my twenties was the ending of my first romantic relationship - Man it seems like forever ago..... It had been petering out for while by then, but we sat down and made it official some time that year. We had been together off and on (but mostly on) since I was 15, and so, while I knew it was coming, it was quietly devastating. Some people who knew me during that time might remember those years and think he was a jerk for breaking up with me so many times (because, to be honest, it was usually him doing the dumping during those "off" times). But he was never cruel, or abusive. He was a teenage boy who didn't know what he wanted, and even as a young girl, I knew that and couldn't really blame him for being young a stupid, ha ha! And since he wasn't being cruel, I always just let it happen, and always took him back - It's what I wanted, too.
And so, while some people were happy that it was over for good between us, I mourned it. I can't imagine a better first love, though (unfortunately?) it set the bar really high and I'm still, here at the cusp of my thirties, having a hard time finding a guy that will treat me as well as my first boyfriend did.
It wasn't until I was in my last year of university, when I started I started to travel, when I felt like I finally got over my boyfriend and started seeing other men. And be "seeing" I mean "sleeping with." 22 was the beginning of my very brief sexual revolution.
My first adventure abroad was where I had my first sexual encounter since my first boyfriend (to whom I lost my virginity and had, to date, been my only partner). I'm not gonna lie, it was disappointing, but I'd been celibate for almost two years at that point, and so I really didn't care. And besides, it made for a hilarious story (for those who have hear it, lol!). However, I ended up having another encounter later in that trip that was like something from a Harlequin/Mills & Boon romance novel, which made up for the first one, and was an even better story!
When I got back from England, I found myself a sort-of boyfriend. We met at work, and were really just friends with benefits. Actually, not even friends. It was just the benefits part, really. It was just about sex, but it was fun. He was handsome, and charming, but not terribly bright (in the way that your average 21-year-old dudebro isn't terribly bright). He was almost 2 years younger than me, and I pretended like that didn't matter to me...but oh, it did. In age, it was only 2 years, but in maturity, it seemed like decades. But again, since it was just sex, I tried not to think too much about it. For some strange unexplainable reason, things suddenly got serious with him right before I left for my year in Korea. I honestly don't know what came over me. My better judgement was thrown to the wind and I let myself fall for him. We were planning on moving in together when I got back from Korea, and maybe even getting engaged. We would keep our relationship open while I was overseas, though, for the sake of our sanity. That did NOT work though, and within a couple of months it fell apart. Mostly because he turned out to be a complete asshat (long sordid story), so I dumped him.
For a couple of years, I had an mild assortment of one night stands. but I got tired of them pretty quickly. My first relationship was a monogamous and long-term, so one-night stands just didn't satisfy me. But if they were good for one thing, it was for me to learn what I liked and didn't like. So I guess there's that.
In last 5 years, though, there's just been one of person. We started as friends and occasional lovers. And then about year and a half ago tried to make a relationship out of it, which lasted all of 2 weeks before failing in a spectacularly painful way, but was unnecessarily drawn out for another 2 months before I finally had to man up and end it. To this day, the whole situation remains an thorn in my heart that I'm afraid will never really be resolved. It's the only romantic loose end that I have, but I suppose I'm lucky that I only have the one.
And for the past year a half, there's been nothing. Nothing but tentative first date coffees and online dating messages that never go everywhere. A year and a half of wondering what is it that in 10 years I've not been able to have a proper relationship. On bad days, I tell myself that there's something wrong with me, that I'm not good enough. That I'm not pretty enough, or that I'm annoying or otherwise repulsive to men. On good days though, I tell myself that I'm just selective, that my standards are higher than most. That I demand more of men than the average woman in my age group.
I find that now, pushing thirty, the pool of eligible men is dwindling. The ones who are single now, are usually single for a good reason. Either they're single by choice, because they're still playboys (not interested, thank you), or they're single not by choice because of some social/romantic flaw (like they live in their parents' basement, or are are socially inept). This is a broad generalization, of course, and not ALL single men are like this. But it seems like a lot are. At least the ones I've met. But right now, I can't really focus on romance, because I'm hoping to leave the country soon, which bring me to the next topic.
TRAVEL
When I was twenty, I took my first solo trip away from home. I booked a B&B, packed my gown, hopped a greyhound bus, and went to Burlington Ontario to attend a Renaissance Festival. It was a little scary, but I loved being in a place where I could wear my costume out in public and not get weird stares. Plus, I learned some epic pub songs, and several pretty traditional songs as well. This would set a dangerous precedent, as I would never be afraid of travelling alone henceforth...ha ha!
When I was 22, I left Canada for the first time to fly to England to live in Egham at Royal Holloway, University of London for a semester for a student exchange. Words cannot describe how much I loved it there. I loved my sketchy dorm room. I loved my chavvy corridor mates. I loved the terrible cafeteria food. I loved the near-nightly fire alarms (the castle walls were insulated with paraffin-soaked straw, so the fire alarms were super-sensitive). I loved the rain. I loved the teensy village and the royal park next to the university itself. Most of all, though, I loved the people I met there. The friends I met at RHUL are friends that I'm still in touch with today, some are still dear friends that I care deeply about. I have fond memories of breaking into what is essentially a royal estate to skinny dip at midnight in Her Majesty's Lake; of staying up to the wee hours watching Firefly, Black Adder, and Little Britain with my favourite people; and just hanging out in various dorm rooms and overcrowded flats.
Also during my time in the UK, I had the chance to backpack in Scotland, which was my first time travelling on a shoestring. I was basically a hobo, I didn't have a home (the dorms were closed up for the month), so all I had was a borrowed tent and camping gear and whatever money I had leftover from my student loan. But I bussed and hitchhiked and ferried across the Hebrides.
My time in Scotland also brought me to my ancestral home, Drynoch, where my great-great-great grandmother Margaret Fry MacLeod was born and raised before her family came to Canada in the mid 1800s. The manor is now in ruins, but being able to see it with my own eyes was something pretty spectacular.
When I came back from England, my home in small-town Canada seemed smaller than ever. I decided that I wanted to travel more, so I got my TESOL certification and set my sights on Asia.
There is so much to say about my time in Korea. It was incredible. I was plunked down in a completely alien (and homogeneous) culture where I didn't speak the language at all, to do a job that I only knew how to do in theory. And yet, aside from a few minor setbacks, mostly involving the politics of the hagwon I worked for, I adapted and thrived there. I travelled around the country a bit, studied Buddhism from local monks, met other ESL teachers from around the world, partied literally all night (not something I normally do, but a staple of Korean nightlife), enjoyed the best (and sometimes worst) of what Korean culture has to offer, and learned a whole lot about myself.
It was during my time in Korea that I had the time to reflect on, and come to terms with my relationship with my sisters. We had grown up fighting pretty much constantly, and we couldn't really stand each other as teens. But the time away from home gave me a chance to really think about how I treated them. Coupled with the lessons of compassion and reflection I was getting from the monks on a weekly basis, It really hit me that it was up to me to rebuild the relationship. I remember writing a tearful email to them one night, full of apologies for a lifetime of bullying and rivalry. If I remember correctly, they were confused as to why I felt the need to send an apology letter, but accepted it. And we've been good ever since, ha ha!
I also had my first real crush since high school while I was in Seoul. I had the hots for one of my fellow English teachers, a tall hipster-y fellow who sang and played the guitar. Sadly, he liked one of the other teachers, so....yeah. BUT it gave me a reason to look pretty every day, and that was kinda nice. I'm still friends with several of my co-teachers from that school, we were a pretty tight group. :) I met a lot of people through Couchsurfing, too, which led to some pretty awesome travels later on as well.
Teaching English was amazing, though. I discovered that teaching is one of my passions. I also discovered that I could never do it as a job. I teach far too organically. I teach as I see fit as per the student needs, and that caused trouble with the principal. I almost got fired because I wasn't following the curriculum EXACTLY enough for them. In the end though, I saw my students learn and thrive, and that gave me great pride, the establishment be damned! :P
After Korea, I travelled back to England and Scotland again in 2010 and 2012, and also visited France. I went back to see old friends, and met new ones, including distant family. Through some family tree research of my ancestors from Drynoch, I connected with a branch of the family who had returned to England after the family moved to Canada. We got to know each other a bit online and I met them when I went over there to visit school friends. It was amazing how they welcomed me like a long-lost cousin, and indeed, I consider them to be a part of my family now, even though they are really my third cousins thrice-removed!
I haven't been able to travel for the last few years, mainly because I've been preparing for the biggest trip yet: a potentially permanent move to England coming (hopefully) in the next few months. It's been in the works for a year and a half with the HR of our sister company in London. I've applied for the job, been interviewed, and filled out another application form at their request. I'm now waiting to hear back from them to see if I got the position. I've wanted to move back to England since I was there for school, and it would be a dream come true to settle there. So for now, my fingers are crossed that my thirties will open up new travel adventures in Europe!
WORK
My twenties has seen quite the assortment of jobs. When I was twenty, I was still working the minimum wage retail jobs of my teen years, but at least, they were a little classier (I think, ha ha!) I lost my first university job at the knock-off build-a-bear factory when I broke my arm in 2006. I loved that job. I was working with my best friend, got to host kids parties, play with teddy bears, and sing Disney music all day. Once my arm was out of the cast, I worked for a telesurvey company, but that was crap, so I quit after 3 months (seriously, I had to clock in and out every time I used the bathroom. It was ridiculous). Then I worked in the housewares and bed & bath departments of The Bay both before and after I was in England.
I'll skip over working in Korea as I talked about that earlier, so I'll skip right to Career Essentials. I consider that to be my first "big girl job" I was hired as an ESL teacher, but on my first day, was promoted to Office Manager, so I taught and ran that location of the school. There was a lot to learn, which led to some pretty hilarious misunderstandings, but luckily, my boss was awesome and bore with me as I navigated the waters of managership. It was really nice to be able to teach at a place where I got to choose how to teach. The students who learned better on their own with minimal guidance got exactly that, and the ones who needed more attention got more attention. Unfortunately, the company shut down a couple of years after I started there, and I was laid off when my location shut down.
I was hired to open up the new Ottawa location of the competing school who moved in right after, though! Which was kind of nice. The pay was crap, but I loved teaching, so I stayed. I was only there for three months before an opportunity opened up at my current employer. I had zero experience in disability insurance, but it paid twice what I was making, so I went for it, because for double the salary, I can learn!!!
And learn I did! I've not been an easy ride. Insurance policies can be a nightmare to navigate, clients are not always pleasant to work with, my supervisor and I don't always see eye to eye, and my artistic brain is not meant to be cooped up in a cubicle for 8 hours per day. BUT I really do love my work, and every day, I'm learning how to do it better. And I'll happily do this the rest of my life.
HOBBIES
Just like at school, when I was twenty, I was all about theatre, and, like in school, when I realised how horrible the real world of theatre was, that fizzled out pretty quickly. I still loved to perform, but I wasn't quite sure how to go out it.
My twenties were full of looking for a replacement for theatre in my life
I still loved sewing and making costumes, though, and when I was in university, I joined the SCA. I attended the Arts and Science meetings (which are primarily concerned with thing like medieval arts and crafts) and Dancing (which covered both Court and Country dances). I loved the stuff that I was learning at the meetings, such as embroidery, and spinning wool, and old dances, but the people who attended were mostly middle-ages and elderly, and I felt kind of out of place. So I only stayed for about a year.
Another costuming outlet was the wonderful historical murder mystery dinner parties that one of my Classics Department friends wrote and hosted. She did one that too place in Ancient Rome, one in Ancient Egypt, and one in 13th century England.
I tried Highland dancing, Contra dancing, swing dancing, tried to get back into ballet. I still love to dance, but could never find one that fit my budget, time/travel constraints, or I really felt like I fit in.
Everything changed in 2013 when I went to my first Comiccon. I was like the floodgates opened, and I found a place where I could make costumes, dress up, be a geek, and meet other geeks my own age. And like magic, shortly thereafter, I learned about, and subsequently joined, Browncoats Burlesque. So I could dance, make costumes, be geeky, and perform, all at the same time! And sometimes even make money doing it!!! All those years searching for a hobby that suited me, and I found two in the same year that were the perfect fit. And I seemed to do well in them, too! In my second year of doing Comiccon, I won Best in Show for my Elsa cosplay, and in my first year of burlesque, I got the audience choice award at Ottawa Burlesque Idol.
And the best part is that if I get this job in England, I can continue doing cosplay and burlesque while I'm there!
...Aw man, this is getting long. I'll finish the rest of this post tomorrow!!!
