Today I had my very first reading by a medium. It was an event organized by a co-worker at her place, and I want to record what the medium said for posterity so that I can see how much of it actually happens. In brackets is what the medium said verbatim.
My spirit guide:
-is female
-she specifically female because "You don't like to listen to men"
-is Scandinavian (so I might recognize her voice if I hear Scandinavian words/phrases)
-has a dry sense of humour
-is very chatty
-hasn't been pushing my spiritual education lately, but will start doing so now because there are "think you need to do on a spiritual level"
-she says I have strong empath ability, but that is "isn't my path"
-my current path is to develop my psychic/medium powers - though that may not be my ultimate destination
-to develop my psychic/medium skills, she is sending more dreams and more intuition
-she takes me out of my body every night to develop these skills and to connect with other spirits
-she says I need to spend more time in nature
-there is "too much noise surrounding you where you live and where you work"
-I should take an extra 5 minutes on my way home from work to walk through a park, to connect with nature, and drain negative energy (helps to touch a tree)
-she is working on my mediumship skills - there are a couple of spirits in my house (
just chillin') and they are the reason I wake up at 2-3am every morning (this is a time of day when the veil is thinner)
-this will also cause me to see more shadows around the house, see thing from the corner of my eye
-the spirits in my house know that I can connect with me, so they try to talk to me, which is why I wake up in the night - but they're not there to harm me, they're just "wanderers"
-she and I have had very stubborn fights - the most ridiculous being that once, we argued (ie I argued with myself) about what potatoes to use in a meal. She was apparently the voice of reason that said "A potato is a potato!!!" and it was "The stupidest conversation she ever had"
Tarot reading
-I'm currently need to try to take control of my life (pertaining to money in particular)
-I need to start focusing on my own path in life (as opposed to others' paths)
-I need to build the foundation of my own life
-If I lend money, I need to make sure its to the right people (because I can't expect I'll get it back)
-I'm about to start a new spiritual journey and develop new spiritual powers
-I'll be financial "okay" for the next little while, but I'll need to make some financial decision using logic rather than emotion
-There is someone around me who "may be interested in a relationship", who may be "good for me", who is looking for romance, "someone who wants to please you" - "the problem with them is that they don't like to make decisions so you'll end up having to take control"
-the next few months: contemplating the past, moving remorse, breaking down emotional walls, new beginnings in learnings
-3 months: planing money for the future, no changes in job situation
-6 months: doing things to help re-energize physically/spiritually
-**side notes from the medium's own spirit guide "He really wants you to start looking at your eating habits" "He wants you to be eating more throughout the day rather than waiting for the meals" "He wants you to be more of a grazer" Also, "He doesn't see anything major coming up for you" (health wise) and he warned me about eating too many bananas because they are no good for my digestive system in large quantities.
-1 year: moving forward and forgetting about the past, new money coming in as a result of a relationship (but I'll have my own money, so the relationship will be an equal one, not dependant) "I know you said that you don't have a boyfriend, but one is coming"
-The next year, I'll be building stability in my own life, and so in a year, I'll be in a place to be a relationship back in.
-1 .5 years: relationship will be solid - it will get be out of the feeling of being stuck, money will be good, but I'll be saving it for an event (trip abroad)
-the person in the new relationship will also love to travel and we'll be planning this trip together
-there will be family issues - with a male family member (Dad?) - and it will be resolved
-1.5-2 years: trip will happen - it'll be a place that I just said that I've never been there, so let's go there - but it's not a honeymoon, just a trip with the boyfriend
-2 years: starting spiritual journey
-family in-fighting - will cause trouble in the relationship but will likely not lead to a break up - especially if it's recognised that the issues are not about the couple, but about the other family member(s).
-3 years: distant relative will pass away (possible cause of family in-fighting? Distant relative had extended illness before passing?)
-everything will turn out positive within the relationship in the end though
-3-4 years: job upgrading/training, success with money
-4 years: new friend will come in to help with spiritual path (someone I knew from a past life, and I'll know it)
-5 year: "You'll go through a whole bunch of spiritual training", spirit guide will come in a big way to guide you, and you "move forward with confidence"
-6 years: "new-found trust with the people around you"
-7 years: "Your partner moving forward with his career"
at this point, there was a pause as he took up his cards, then he asked:
"Did you choose not to have kids?"
Apparently he asked his own spirit guide about kids (which he usual does in readings) and his spirit guide "He just said 'no'" he wasn't sure if I was medically capable or just chose not to have kids. According to him, I have no "spiritual children assigned to me." and "There are no kids in spirit waiting for you"
Other random notes from the medium's spirit guide: he called my exes "dinks" (and finds that very funny). He also said I'll be travelling a lot because it's a passion. I'll have a generally good and successful life. Also, down the line I'll be taking care of someone else's child, maybe my partner will have one of his own, or someone will not be able to take care of theirs. It'll be an older kid (9-10 years old) and it will only be temporary. "You're going to have a straight and narrow life, which is kind of your personality"
Angel cards:
-There's a happy move coming where I work or live, the spirits and my own intuition will help me get there
-I am a healer, but right now, my focus is not on healing
-It's safe for me to be powerful, to be who I want to be rather than what I think others want me to be, and to explore the world like a 6 year old
-Have hope, because there are a lot of wonderful things on the horizon that I haven't seen yet
-TREAT YO SELF
He also gave me tips about how to meditate in order to connect with my spirit guide, and channelling my psychic skills by meditating.
SO
We'll see how much of this pans out and if I'll manage to "connect" more with my Scandinavian spirit guide. Maybe she's a shieldmaiden, which would account for my attraction to blonde badasses in TV/movies. It's my spirit guide yelling "YES!! LISTEN TO HER!!! LET IT GO!!! GET YOUR GUN AND BRING IN THE CAT!!!" Ha ha ha!
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Mass Effect-Fueled Dreamings
What happens when Leah plays Mass Effect 2 all day, then again right before bed? THIS DREAM!
I was just an ordinary person, living in an small off-world colony. I was helping out in a medical clinic. One of the doctors came into the room with a fussy baby, his mother had died and his father was a soldier fighting in another star system. He was bringing the baby to a wet nurse who was in the room with me. The wet nurse told him that she didn't have enough for yet another baby (she was feeding several already), but the doctor didn't have much of a choice, so he gave the baby to me (the wet nurse already had a feeding baby in her arms) to hold while the wet nurse finished.
I tried to calm the baby down, but he was obviously really hungry and kept nuzzling at my shirt. Then I remembered that I had given birth a few weeks previous as a surrogate for another colonist, and I wondered if maybe I still had some milk left. So I tried to breastfeed the baby, and not only did he latch immediately, but I still had some milk left for him. I felt so bad for the little guy, and the sad situation that he was in. So I decided that I wanted to help in a bigger way than just helping out in a med clinic.
When he was fed and sleeping, I put him down, and went straight down the recruitment office (which just happened to be down the hall from the clinic), and told them I wanted to enlist, but I wasn't sure what I could do. Maybe a medic, as I'd been helping out in the clinic?
Then the dream time-jumped, and it was much later. I was Shepard-ifed, and the colony was under attack. There was a Heavy Mech coming down the hallway, and I had just run around a corner to regroup because I was completely out of ammo, and I knew there was a storage locker with more just around that corner. It was a bit chaotic, colonists screaming and running around. I shoven them out of my way and towards the med, clinic, shouting at them to get inside (the clinic was a fortified bunker) and seal the vault-like doors.
Once they were all out of my way/on the way to the bunker, I had a bit of time before the Mech reached the corner, so I pulled open the ammo locker, and it was packed with boxes of clips, but the labels were all facing the wrong way, so until I pulled them out, I didn't know if I was pulling out bullets for the shotgun, pistol or rifle. I frantically pulled out of couple of boxes, but wasn't able to find anything I could use for the guns I had on hand.
The, suddenly, the Mech came crashing around the corner. I stumbled back and rolled out of the way of its blasts, but there was no way I could fight and my crew was nowhere to be seen. So I ran.
When I got to the clinic, the last colonist were running into the clinic and they'd started closing the heavy door. I had been hit, and my shields were failing and I was just about to collapse. I got halfway through the door and was too weak/injured to go on. The Mech was lumbering down the hall, so reached out my hand I screamed to the colonists to pull me the rest of the way through. They just stood there, staring, like deers in headlight. I screamed again to pull me through. Just one quick pull and I'd be through the doors. They were two feet away from me.
The Mech was almost at the door, so I screamed once more that they needed to pull me in and close the door or else they'd all be dead very soon. Still nothing. I started to panic, not that I would likely die, but that, I was endangering them. I was half through the door, and if they didn't pull me in, they wouldn't be able to shut it, and they would ALL die.
And I felt such guilt! If I hadn't tried to save myself, they'd be safe behind the sealed door already...
Just then, the Mech appeared right behind me, and that seemed to snap the colonists out of it, and one lady grabbed by arms and pulled me the rest of the way in, while three men hastily close the door and sealed it. WAY too close for comfort.
Once the door was closed, I staggered to my feet. I could feel the adrenaline buzzing through my whole body. A potent mixture of relief that I was alive, anger at the surviving colonists and guilt that I almost got them all killed. They were all standing around me, staring. In the end, anger won. I raged at them with more anger than I've ever had in my waking life. "WHEN I TELL YOU TO PULL ME IN, YOU FUCKING PULL ME IN!!!!" then I doubled over, clutching my head in my hands and just screamed in anger and frustration, staggering forward. I just had to get away from them.
The crowd backed away without a word, too stunned to speak, clearing a path in the direction I was heading (to an empty corner for the room). When I was apart from the other colonists, I fell to my knees and sobbed. For everything that I lost and almost lost. The colonists were too afraid to approach me, so they just started going about their business of figuring out what to do next.
I knew that sooner of later, I'd have to pull myself together and take charge. But in that very moment, I had to get it out.
And I really wished that someone - anyone - from my crew was there to comfort me just this once...
Then I woke up.
And I woke up feeling really good. Even though the emotions and sensations in the dream were WAY more intense then usual, I guess they were more cathartic than anything, so I woke up feeling more refreshed then usual. And 2 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, even!
I was just an ordinary person, living in an small off-world colony. I was helping out in a medical clinic. One of the doctors came into the room with a fussy baby, his mother had died and his father was a soldier fighting in another star system. He was bringing the baby to a wet nurse who was in the room with me. The wet nurse told him that she didn't have enough for yet another baby (she was feeding several already), but the doctor didn't have much of a choice, so he gave the baby to me (the wet nurse already had a feeding baby in her arms) to hold while the wet nurse finished.
I tried to calm the baby down, but he was obviously really hungry and kept nuzzling at my shirt. Then I remembered that I had given birth a few weeks previous as a surrogate for another colonist, and I wondered if maybe I still had some milk left. So I tried to breastfeed the baby, and not only did he latch immediately, but I still had some milk left for him. I felt so bad for the little guy, and the sad situation that he was in. So I decided that I wanted to help in a bigger way than just helping out in a med clinic.
When he was fed and sleeping, I put him down, and went straight down the recruitment office (which just happened to be down the hall from the clinic), and told them I wanted to enlist, but I wasn't sure what I could do. Maybe a medic, as I'd been helping out in the clinic?
Then the dream time-jumped, and it was much later. I was Shepard-ifed, and the colony was under attack. There was a Heavy Mech coming down the hallway, and I had just run around a corner to regroup because I was completely out of ammo, and I knew there was a storage locker with more just around that corner. It was a bit chaotic, colonists screaming and running around. I shoven them out of my way and towards the med, clinic, shouting at them to get inside (the clinic was a fortified bunker) and seal the vault-like doors.
Once they were all out of my way/on the way to the bunker, I had a bit of time before the Mech reached the corner, so I pulled open the ammo locker, and it was packed with boxes of clips, but the labels were all facing the wrong way, so until I pulled them out, I didn't know if I was pulling out bullets for the shotgun, pistol or rifle. I frantically pulled out of couple of boxes, but wasn't able to find anything I could use for the guns I had on hand.
The, suddenly, the Mech came crashing around the corner. I stumbled back and rolled out of the way of its blasts, but there was no way I could fight and my crew was nowhere to be seen. So I ran.
When I got to the clinic, the last colonist were running into the clinic and they'd started closing the heavy door. I had been hit, and my shields were failing and I was just about to collapse. I got halfway through the door and was too weak/injured to go on. The Mech was lumbering down the hall, so reached out my hand I screamed to the colonists to pull me the rest of the way through. They just stood there, staring, like deers in headlight. I screamed again to pull me through. Just one quick pull and I'd be through the doors. They were two feet away from me.
The Mech was almost at the door, so I screamed once more that they needed to pull me in and close the door or else they'd all be dead very soon. Still nothing. I started to panic, not that I would likely die, but that, I was endangering them. I was half through the door, and if they didn't pull me in, they wouldn't be able to shut it, and they would ALL die.
And I felt such guilt! If I hadn't tried to save myself, they'd be safe behind the sealed door already...
Just then, the Mech appeared right behind me, and that seemed to snap the colonists out of it, and one lady grabbed by arms and pulled me the rest of the way in, while three men hastily close the door and sealed it. WAY too close for comfort.
Once the door was closed, I staggered to my feet. I could feel the adrenaline buzzing through my whole body. A potent mixture of relief that I was alive, anger at the surviving colonists and guilt that I almost got them all killed. They were all standing around me, staring. In the end, anger won. I raged at them with more anger than I've ever had in my waking life. "WHEN I TELL YOU TO PULL ME IN, YOU FUCKING PULL ME IN!!!!" then I doubled over, clutching my head in my hands and just screamed in anger and frustration, staggering forward. I just had to get away from them.
The crowd backed away without a word, too stunned to speak, clearing a path in the direction I was heading (to an empty corner for the room). When I was apart from the other colonists, I fell to my knees and sobbed. For everything that I lost and almost lost. The colonists were too afraid to approach me, so they just started going about their business of figuring out what to do next.
I knew that sooner of later, I'd have to pull myself together and take charge. But in that very moment, I had to get it out.
And I really wished that someone - anyone - from my crew was there to comfort me just this once...
Then I woke up.
And I woke up feeling really good. Even though the emotions and sensations in the dream were WAY more intense then usual, I guess they were more cathartic than anything, so I woke up feeling more refreshed then usual. And 2 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, even!
Saturday, September 6, 2014
On Speaking Up
I know I shouldn't be surprised when shit goes down at Walmart, but today really got to me.
I was standing in line at the checkout, and in front of me was a morbidly obese fifty-something lady in a scooter who was barking orders at her companion (they were possibly related? Or roomies?). The other woman was small, stout, and elderly, and was slowly putting the stuff from her scooter basket onto the conveyor belt. All throughout, the scooter lady was snapping at her to grab this or put that there or watch out for that. She was unpleasant, but some people are like that - such is life.
But once the stuff was bagged and the other lady was moving it from the counter to a shopping cart, she got downright mean. Yelling at her to "WATCH IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! THERE'S A JAR IN THERE!!!" or "God, can't you do anything right?" or passively aggressively telling the clerk that "She never does anything right. She's always been that way." All the while, the old lady just took it meekly, responding in nothing more than a weak protest, if anything at all.
I stood by, listening, brow furrowed. In my mind, I was fighting against the urge to say something. I know it was none of my business, but there's mean, and there's abusive, and this was toeing the line. The clerk met my gaze at one point, and he sort of gave me a "I see this...but what can I do?" look, and kept bagging.
Oh, but then, shit hit the fan, and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. The scooter lady started telling right at the other one "She's mental! I can't believe you're such an idiot! Can't you show a LITTLE bit of intelligence?!?! Geez, that's why you're seeing a shrink." ANd she was saying it loud. Practically announcing it.
In the steadiest voice I could muster, and against all social etiquette, I piped up, "That's not necessary! You don't have to speak to her that way."
Oh man, scooter lady, whipped her head around (she was facing away from me), shocked and annoyed, "You don't know what she's like! She has mental problems!"
I replied that I worked every day with people who have mental health disabilities, so I do know what it's like (which isn't far from the truth). And that there's no reason to speak to anyone that way. Ever.
She went on to say that "Well, she's even worse at home. YOU don't have to live with her! She has to see a psychiatrist! And never helps out around the house, because she says her *haaaands huuurt*. Ugh!" On and on she went about how terrible this other woman was. The clerk continued silently bagging, avoiding locking eyes with anyone. The scooter lady was still facing away from me (the size of the scooter prevented her from turning around, but the elderly lady was facing me, so I smiled sympathetically and mouthed that I was so sorry. She seemed genuinely thankful for someone sticking up for her, and smiled at me and nodded.
When I was paying for my stuff, I tried to broach the subject with the clerk, but he just said that they're regulars, and there's isn't much they can do.
But isn't that elder abuse? Isn't that a reportable offence? I mean, shouldn't people be concerned that this is a regular occurrence?
Maybe I'm too sensitive about this... It just really bugged me. And now I feel like speaking up wasn't enough. Like I should have done more.
I was standing in line at the checkout, and in front of me was a morbidly obese fifty-something lady in a scooter who was barking orders at her companion (they were possibly related? Or roomies?). The other woman was small, stout, and elderly, and was slowly putting the stuff from her scooter basket onto the conveyor belt. All throughout, the scooter lady was snapping at her to grab this or put that there or watch out for that. She was unpleasant, but some people are like that - such is life.
But once the stuff was bagged and the other lady was moving it from the counter to a shopping cart, she got downright mean. Yelling at her to "WATCH IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! THERE'S A JAR IN THERE!!!" or "God, can't you do anything right?" or passively aggressively telling the clerk that "She never does anything right. She's always been that way." All the while, the old lady just took it meekly, responding in nothing more than a weak protest, if anything at all.
I stood by, listening, brow furrowed. In my mind, I was fighting against the urge to say something. I know it was none of my business, but there's mean, and there's abusive, and this was toeing the line. The clerk met my gaze at one point, and he sort of gave me a "I see this...but what can I do?" look, and kept bagging.
Oh, but then, shit hit the fan, and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. The scooter lady started telling right at the other one "She's mental! I can't believe you're such an idiot! Can't you show a LITTLE bit of intelligence?!?! Geez, that's why you're seeing a shrink." ANd she was saying it loud. Practically announcing it.
In the steadiest voice I could muster, and against all social etiquette, I piped up, "That's not necessary! You don't have to speak to her that way."
Oh man, scooter lady, whipped her head around (she was facing away from me), shocked and annoyed, "You don't know what she's like! She has mental problems!"
I replied that I worked every day with people who have mental health disabilities, so I do know what it's like (which isn't far from the truth). And that there's no reason to speak to anyone that way. Ever.
She went on to say that "Well, she's even worse at home. YOU don't have to live with her! She has to see a psychiatrist! And never helps out around the house, because she says her *haaaands huuurt*. Ugh!" On and on she went about how terrible this other woman was. The clerk continued silently bagging, avoiding locking eyes with anyone. The scooter lady was still facing away from me (the size of the scooter prevented her from turning around, but the elderly lady was facing me, so I smiled sympathetically and mouthed that I was so sorry. She seemed genuinely thankful for someone sticking up for her, and smiled at me and nodded.
When I was paying for my stuff, I tried to broach the subject with the clerk, but he just said that they're regulars, and there's isn't much they can do.
But isn't that elder abuse? Isn't that a reportable offence? I mean, shouldn't people be concerned that this is a regular occurrence?
Maybe I'm too sensitive about this... It just really bugged me. And now I feel like speaking up wasn't enough. Like I should have done more.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
On Letting it Go
I'm watching a doc about the making of "Frozen", and the bit about the song "Let it Go" reminded me of my own experience of letting it go.
I'm not generally one to let a Disney movie guide my life. Not in any major way anyhow. I mean, I identify with various characters, like Alice and Belle. But Disney has always been more of an excuse to sing out loud than a real driving force.
But everything came together with Elsa. It was a matter of being at the right place at the right time.
I decided that I would cosplay her before I'd even seen the movie. I saw the video for "Let it Go" and I kinda liked the song, but more importantly, it had cosplay appeal.
After doing Ronon Dex for PopExpo, I had learned a few things about Masquerades: You get points for character popularity, elaborate craftsmanship, and general wow-factor on stage. The moment I saw "Let it Go," I knew it had the potential for all of that, and more! The newest Disney princess movie, a glam sparkle-laden dress, and a power ballad. Score.
I knew that a gazillion others would be cosplaying her, but I didn't care. I was going to give myself free reign on this costume. NO set budget, no holds barred. I was convinced that given the resources, I would make the best one. I mean in terms of replication - making an animated characters into a living breathing woman.
So I started planning a good month before I saw "Frozen" at the cinema (and I loved it, of course), and the insanity began. But good, cosplay insanity!
At the same time as the work was at its peak, I happened to be going through some pretty intense romantic heartbreak. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I had been pretty emotionally wrecked by a careless male-type, and o my life was not living up to the fairy-tale dream.
I think that I used Elsa as a bit of a motivator. If she could let it go, so could I! She didn't need a man, so men be damned! And as a bonus, at the time of the aforementioned heartbreak, I was just starting to poke my head back out after a couple years of depression. I'm actually surprised that I didn't retreat back into my shell! Instead, I reasserted my own powers (of costuming!), made my home my ice castle, and finished up the costume.
In the end, it paid off, because my Elsa cosplay (along the bestest human prop ever!) won Best in Show, and wow-ed the international cosplayers (who watched the Masquerade as unofficial judges). And I got my groove back. I let it go. I let go of all the snide comments about my geeky lifestyle, and I let go of the aching in my broken heart, and I made snow magic on a stage.
To this day, and despite countless viewings of "Let it Go," I still get goosebumps. I see Elsa taking down her hair, and I see myself. And not just because I make spare cash by imitating her for children :P
I'm not generally one to let a Disney movie guide my life. Not in any major way anyhow. I mean, I identify with various characters, like Alice and Belle. But Disney has always been more of an excuse to sing out loud than a real driving force.
But everything came together with Elsa. It was a matter of being at the right place at the right time.
I decided that I would cosplay her before I'd even seen the movie. I saw the video for "Let it Go" and I kinda liked the song, but more importantly, it had cosplay appeal.
After doing Ronon Dex for PopExpo, I had learned a few things about Masquerades: You get points for character popularity, elaborate craftsmanship, and general wow-factor on stage. The moment I saw "Let it Go," I knew it had the potential for all of that, and more! The newest Disney princess movie, a glam sparkle-laden dress, and a power ballad. Score.
I knew that a gazillion others would be cosplaying her, but I didn't care. I was going to give myself free reign on this costume. NO set budget, no holds barred. I was convinced that given the resources, I would make the best one. I mean in terms of replication - making an animated characters into a living breathing woman.
So I started planning a good month before I saw "Frozen" at the cinema (and I loved it, of course), and the insanity began. But good, cosplay insanity!
At the same time as the work was at its peak, I happened to be going through some pretty intense romantic heartbreak. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I had been pretty emotionally wrecked by a careless male-type, and o my life was not living up to the fairy-tale dream.
I think that I used Elsa as a bit of a motivator. If she could let it go, so could I! She didn't need a man, so men be damned! And as a bonus, at the time of the aforementioned heartbreak, I was just starting to poke my head back out after a couple years of depression. I'm actually surprised that I didn't retreat back into my shell! Instead, I reasserted my own powers (of costuming!), made my home my ice castle, and finished up the costume.
In the end, it paid off, because my Elsa cosplay (along the bestest human prop ever!) won Best in Show, and wow-ed the international cosplayers (who watched the Masquerade as unofficial judges). And I got my groove back. I let it go. I let go of all the snide comments about my geeky lifestyle, and I let go of the aching in my broken heart, and I made snow magic on a stage.
To this day, and despite countless viewings of "Let it Go," I still get goosebumps. I see Elsa taking down her hair, and I see myself. And not just because I make spare cash by imitating her for children :P
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