On Getting My Groove Back

In a desperate attempt to finish my novel, I've signed up for "Camp NaNoWriMo" It's basically NaNoWriMo Lite. You're sorted into "cabins" which is a team of fellow writers that are supposed to keep each other motivated. You can choose your cabin-mates, or be randomly assigned. I chose the latter.

As you probably are aware, this past November was an epic fail for me in terms of writing. During last year's NaNoWriMo I wrote 7500 words and pretty much gave up after a week. My average was 250 words per day. Ugh.

Even those 7500 words were a struggle. I just couldn't face my own work anymore.

It all started right after NaNoWriMo 2011; my second year and first win. I was SO proud that I had managed to write just over 50k words in 30 days. Not just that but those 50k words bought me tantalizingly close to the end of the novel itself. I was a chapter away from the climax of the story, and after that, only the denouement remained.

But then, tragedy struck. Just over a month after I had finished my 50k words, the USB on which I saved my NaNoWriMo work decided to commit suidide. Usually, I back my writing up, but for ease of transport and writing in different places, I carried all that work on a USB.

So yeah. I lost just over 50,000 words that I had JUST written.

All the stuff I had written before NaNoWriMo 2011 was safe, but that 50k was over half of the whole novel....

And then I lost my will to write. I didn't help that for the majority of 2012, I was a listless puddle of depression/dysthemia.

Every time I sat down to work on it in the following months were haunted by the ghost of writing past. Every word I wrote, I couldn't help but think "I've already written this..." I thought that NaNoWriMo 2012 would give me the kick in the pants that I needed to get back into the swing of writing. Boy, was I wrong. I didn't feel any different, except that there was added pressure of getting another 50k done in 30 days.

I gave up within a week.

But 2013 is a new year! I'm feeling good, I'm starting to creep back into social life, and I don't feel so much like a sad puddle anymore. And magically, the makers of NaNoWriMo announced their upcoming "Camp NaNoWriMo" it's a less competitive project where you can choose your own wordcount goal. AND they have cool motivational store items that regular NaNo doesn't have.

Funnily enough, that's what convinced me to sign up: the motivational stuff you can buy. You must understand that I spent most of the childhood in Brownies/Girl Guides, so when I saw that you can buy Camp NaNoWriMo merit badges, I knew that I had finally found my motivation.

I love camping. And I loved Girl Guides. So the idea of having writing-themed merit badges just tickles my fancy in a way that simple trudging to a 50k wordcount goal never could. The badges include: NaNo Socializing, Word-Count Padding, Procrastination, Caffeine Abuse, Secret Noveling, Creative Nonfiction, Rally Day, the Eureka Moment, Random Ending, and Victory. The package of badges includes instructions on how to "earn" them. For example, "Rally Day" is earned by having a 5000 word day OR overcoming a 10k word deficit. That's what incited me to sign up for the event and order the badges. I also ordered the Camp NaNoWriMo care package: a wooden cigar box that includes, among other things, a notepad, pen made of a twig, Camp NaNoWriMo badge, and keychain.

I have even hatched a plan to try to further motivate me for this lighter, more fun version of the November event: I'm going to set up my tent in my hobby room and use that as my writing nook.

So my online cabin has been assigned, my goal set at 30k words, badges and care package ordered, and writing nook erected. April 1st is the start date.

It seems like a lot of kerfuffle just to work on (and maybe even finish) a pet-project novel that I started when I was 16 that will probably never be published...but I've become rather attached to this little story, and I'd like to see it finished. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life mourning the loss of that 50k words and have it roadblock me from ever completing it.

So here goes nothing. Feel free to give me a shout-out of encouragement over the month of April. I know I'll need it!

WTF Subconsious Mind?

I had a rather intriguing dream last night, and it's too long to write in a Facebook post, so I'll write it here:

In the dream, I was in high school (it wasn't my high school from real life, though). And I met someone and fell in love. All I remember is that he was blonde (which is odd as I generally don't fancy blondes :P) So high school goes on, and I was happy with Mr. Blonde Guy. But one day, some evil dictator took over the city. Or the world. I didn't know or care as I was in high school, so my world was pretty small. Either way, evil dictator takes over. And not only does he take over, but he brainwashes everyone. We're all pretty much zombies. So I forget everyone; the guy I loved, my sisters, everyone. I only existed to be a mindless worker. It was all very Nineteen Eighty-Four. :P

I don't know how long this mindless working lasted, whether it was months or years. I was walking home one day and I passed by the boy I had fallen in love before the dictator had taken over. And when our eyes met, I got a tiny little shock, a slip of memory that broke through the brainwashing. Enough to make me stop and stare. And the same happened to him. And we stood there on the sidewalk just staring at each other, trying desperately figure out what was happening. Finally, the memory and emotion broke through the brainwashing and we remembered each other and our love and rushed into each other's arms.

We sat in the grass just being happy in each other's company. Talking and hugging and holding hands. We were just thrilled to be together again. Suddenly, I had a premonition, I saw him speak to me, then run across the street, and when he was almost on the other side, he was HIT BY A TRUCK!!! Then the vision was over, and were were sitting together in the grass once more.

Just then, he said that he wanted to go get something at his house which was right across the street. He stood up and turn towards the street. Panicking, I grabbed his hand and begged him not to go. He looked at me like I was a little crazy at first. I pleaded again, and he must have seen the sincerity in my expression, because he just smiled and shrugged and sat back down. And I saw the truck speed by.

The "story" kind of ended there, and the dream shifted to 3rd person perspective. I have a feeling that they went on to undo the brainwashing thing in others, though. I do remember the "Epilogue" of my dream, where photos of me and him were shown and a narrator explained that after all was done, I hadn't changed over the years, aside from getting a few wrinkles (Ha ha ha, what?), and he went on to be a football star or something like that.

I'm still puzzling over this one, LOL!

On Being Nearly 28

And so it came to be that one not-so-very special day, I decided to sit down at my computer and write.

It's been a while since my last post, and even longer since I did any proper writing.

Seeing as my birthday is this week, I've been thinking a lot lately about where I am in my life.

My first reaction was this: I'm very nearly 28, and I haven't done anything with my life.

I don't own a house.

I don't have anything even close to a boyfriend, let alone a fiancée or husband. (so a family of my own is right out)

I don't own a car.

I don't go out on weekends to have drinks/dinner with my peers.

I haven't been to the West Coast or "Down South"

I've not seen Grey's Anatomy or any of the Bond flicks.

I have no investments, no savings, and I have student and credit card debt.

I compare myself to all the "normal" people in my age group and I feel like I'm left far behind. Like everyone else is either in, or almost at that whole adulthood thing. And that really depresses me. I feel like I have so little in common with the people around me, but not just that I have nothing in common, but that I'm somehow less than those around me. Like I just can't compare. I measure myself to the standard that it seems society has set as being successful, and find that 9 out of 10 times, I just can't cut it. And I feel sad.

Luckily for me, that doesn't last very long.

Because then I realize that holy shit, I've done a stupid amount of things in 28 years!!!

I don't own a house, but I rent one, which means that I don't have to pay property taxes, repairs, or any of that nonsense.

I don't own a car, but the money I save on gas and insurance, I can rent home for myself (see above :P)

I don't have a whole bunch of friends and acquaintances to go out drinking with on weekends, but I have a core of dear friends who are close by, and friends all over the globe who I know would welcome me should I choose to visit (as I would were they to visit me)

I've never been on vacation to BC or Cuba, but I *lived* in England and South Korea where I learned and saw and experienced SO many amazing things.

I don't have a useful degree or job-specific certifications that will get me a respectable career, but I do have a myriad of little skills that fill my time and give me pleasure. And even with my "useless" degrees and education, I still managed to find myself a well-paying job that engages me.

So I have no savings...but I'm living in the now, and enjoying life. I'm eating chocolate and pizza and ice cream whenever I want, surrounding myself with little bits of stuff that make me happy, like cushy couches, animal companions, and a bed with warm duvets and squishy pillows.

I go out when I want, and stay in when I choose, rather than doing so when it's "expected" of me.

And I don't have a significant other, but I know from relevant past experience, that I love so very easily. All it's gonna take is the right man to come along and I'll slip into love like I was a 15 year old girl again.

And the best part is that I'm only nearly 28! I have so many years more to enjoy my life and fill it with even more experiences and happy little things, and love.

Normalcy be damned!