On Saving Myself

I still feel awful.

In fact, physically, I feel even worse than I did a few days ago. I even had to leave work early. And as a result, I feel even more sad about the state of my life.

The one ray of hope is that I feel I've sunk so low that SOMETHING has to be done. I made the decision today that the first steps to dragging myself out of this horrible emotional/physical pain spiral is to start with the simplest measures.

Sure I could just take advil for my headaches and mask the sad feelings with empty pleasures. But is that really helping? Depression is a state of being like any other, with emotional and physical repercussions. As the Dalai Lama says, the way to treat negative states of being is to cultivate positive ones that will cancel the negative ones out.

So how do I treat a body that feels sick and tired? By cultivating habits that will make it feel good like healthy food and activity. Once my body feels good, I will feel like going out more. This will allow me to counteract my negative emotions by indulging in activities that bring me happiness (not merely pleasure, mind you, but happiness).

And so, this weekend I'm making my own personal well-being retreat:
Step 1: I'm going to clean my apartment.
Step 2: I'm going to do my laundry.
Step 3: I'm going to plan out a 5 days worth of healthy meals, making one of those days completely devoid of processed food (more, if I can).
Step 4: I'm going to plan out a 5 days worth of short, easy exercises I can do at home to get my blood coursing again.
Step 5: I'm going to take a long, hot bath (on both days, if I can)

And as much as it hurts my pride to say it, I could really use some encouragement to remind me that even though this is something I have to do for myself, I'm not on this journey alone. I don't have a new phone yet, but if you're reading this and over the weekend, you think of me toiling away, please send me a quick message on Facebook, or even an email.

Just to let me know that however distant I've been lately, I still have some cheerleaders out there who want to see me succeed.

Wish me luck, and thanks for caring enough to read this.