On Fathers - Part II (Daddy and Papa)

I couldn't let Father's Day go by without giving a honourable mention to two very special fathers in my life.

It takes a lot a courage to ask a woman to give up her eggs for an altruistic egg donation. It's basically saying saying, 'Hey lady, can I have your kid, but you can't raise it? And you will potentially watch me raise your kid?" It has the potential to go very badly. Not just that, but to then turn to another woman and say, "Hey, can I just...borrow your body for 9 months to incubate my baby?"

My friend had some serious cojones when he decided that he wanted a baby. Your average straight couple doesn't think twice when planning for a baby: barring any fertility issues, sex = baby. But for a single gay man, shit gets complicated. When he asked if I would consider donating my eggs, I didn't even have to think about it. Of course I could! It's not like I'm using them!

Of course, we subsequently went through all kinds of discussions and psych/legal counselling at the fertility center before everything was finalized. But in my mind, there was never any doubt that I wanted to help. Nor was there every any doubt about how much he wanted to be a father.

I was a fairly gruelling process from what I heard and I was only a small part of it (hormones, blood tests, hormones, blood bests, hormones, blood tests, suck the eggs out, BYE!). It was expensive, he had to organize the reproductive cycles of two different women in two different cities with the fertility clinic in a third city, and still carry on with his own day-to-day as the owner of a business. Struggles that the majority of baby-making couples can't even begin to comprehend. But not only did he do it, he did it cheerfully. Every time I jokingly asked "So, it it worth it?" He enthusiastically replied with a resounding YES!!!! Especially when my egg donation resulting in a staggering number of fertilized embryos (12 in total from 20 harvested eggs) AND the implantation (with a single embryo) took on the first try.

So his courage and perseverance paid off, because now, his dream is a reality, and he's got the child he so wanted. And so, I think that Father's Day has an extra-special meaning because it's wasn't just a matter of sex = baby for him. His son is, I think, cherished all the more for the fact that he wasn't so easy to bring into the world. And that deserves celebration, because as long as I've known him, he's always been a passionate career man, but I think being "Daddy" is the best job title in the world in his opinion :)

But I can't talk about "Daddy" without mentioning "Papa." I don't know my friend's husband quite as well. They met while the IVF process was underway, but by the time I met him, they were in a serious relationship, and I was glad to know that the wee one would have even more love surrounding him. And soon, boyfriend became fiancee, and a few months after the birth, husband.

Biologically, this kid is my son, but I'm not his mother. My friend's husband is not related to the baby in any way, but he is, *without a doubt*, his father. And I think this is what being a parent truly is.

Fatherhood is not what's on your birth certificate, or what's encoded in your DNA. A father is who tucks you in, reads you bedtime stories, protects you, teaches you, provides for you. And so, Daddy and Papa, you embody what it is to be a father, regardless of DNA. And for that, I'm grateful, both for myself, and for the precious little one that you brought into the world.