On Looking Back at 2015

This has been a really transformative year for me, and I think it really deserves a look back.

At the start of the year, I was preparing to move to another country. I had already downsized my living quarters and started giving away all my non-essential stuff: books, DVDs, small appliances, collectibles, etc. Even if the job offer wasn't official yet, it was more or less a formality. I was apartment hunting in Bristol and SO excited.

As we all know, that did happen. I got the job (signed the contract and everything!), but due to an oversight by my new employer, found out that I couldn't get a work visa at all. I'd already quit my job here, terminated my lease cut and basically pried myself from my foundations here, but luckily, I was able to smooth all of that out and set everything to rights (except my dog, who had already been adopted by someone and I couldn't take back).

It really sucked, but the strangest thing was that I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be. People around me kind of walked on eggshells for awhile, knowing that moving to England had been a dream of mine for half my life. While I was sad, I was far from devastated. I had an overwhelming feeling that it just wasn't meant to be, that I still had things to do here in Ottawa.

And I was right! And really, a lot of it has to do with cosplay.

Even though I didn't plan any major cosplays, because I didn't plan on going to any cons this year (because I was planning on being overseas) I did a couple of last-minute cosplays that, while not fancy, were good place-holders. And instead, I was able to focus on building up another cosplay areas instead: socializing. Being naturally introverted, cosplaying has always been about craftsmanship for me. But this year, I spent far less time crafting alone in my apartment, and much more crafting remotely with other cosplayers via an online cosplay hangouts, or with others at a secondary workshop (ie my friend's place, lol). And not only that, but I reached that point where I was seeing the same people at cons for the third or fourth time and deciding "Hey, maybe we should be friends!"

I realized at PopExpo in November that for the first time in a very long time, I was really looking forward to seeing people. Like, actual flesh and blood, in person, not just through a screen, IRL people. And not just that, people were happy to see me! Around every corner was a familiar face in glorious cosplay with a beaming smile and open arms for hugs (sometimes awkwardly, depending on the costume, lol). And I did wonderful things like plan a group cosplay and learn a new board game with two completely separate groups of friends (I was the little overlapping bit on the social Venn diagram, which was kind of neat). And even though it was a completely ridiculous environment (in the overall scheme of western culture), for once, I felt normal.

And of course, there's the fact that I did my first out-of-town cons this year - twice, in fact! I got to basically live my fantasy by being a booth babe for BioWare at Montreal Comiccon, as Commander Shepard, while hanging with my favourite characters from the game (ie. some AMAZING cosplayers), then being thanked by the Bioware crew and given some merch and invited to come back next year! *melt* Then, venturing a little further afield to Hal-Con in Halifax to spend some time at the con with my bestie who moved away last year.

And with all these new friends came new interests. I've expanded my hobbies into gaming and comics and I'm building a computer. I've added a handful of new fandoms to my repertoire, and opened my mind to dozens more that I wouldn't have considered a few years ago.

Ans as all this goodness was working on me, I was shaking the cobwebs out of my brain. I started thinking less about the things that were hurting me (which is pretty much just limited to my single-ness, but that's a big one) and more about good things, like how much I loved my new friends, and how maybe I was worth putting on a bit of makeup in the morning, and maybe my sexuality was a little more flexible than I thought, and that I really wanted to fit/look better in my costumes, so a personal trainer was in order.

That last one was a big one. I got a trainer in September, and I've managed to stick with it since then (for the most part, lol) . Four months of tracking calories, working out 5 days per week, and in the past month, adding more protein in the hopes of building some muscle. For cosplay, of course, ha ha! I have even signed up for a class for the first time in years! One that interests me, and is not too far away! So I start swordfighting in 3 weeks. ;)

2015 is the year of "The Force Awakens" and I think that's pretty appropriate descriptor of my life this year. This year, I feel like I'm starting to wake up. It's as if the failed England move was the shock to my system that was needed to jumpstart it. I'm motivated, happy, and I feel alive again after years of stumbling in a fog. My life took my arm, pulled me on the floor, and said "SHUT UP AND DANCE!!!"



And something tells me 2016 will be even better.... Happy new year everyone - see you in the future!