On Conviction

Something's changed.

Something in my brain has said "Wake up, Leah. It's time to drop the act." And I didn't even know I was putting on an act!

But I figured it out.

I grew up pretty sheltered. And even when I stopped being sheltered, I maintained a certain level of innocence. Though intelligent, I remained childishly naive.

I learned a few things recently that shook me up. And that's when it hit me. Although there's a part of me that wants to cling to the childish and naive, I've realized that it's not who I am.

For years, I've been unconsciously playing the "Little Girl" because deep down, I want to be looked after. I guess I believed that I couldn't look after myself. I was just too soft and squishy to make it on my own. It seems like a strange view to have when one spends a lifetime on one's own. I live on my own, I travel on my own, I'm reluctant to ask for help...

But it's amazing the kind of clarity and rational thinking that can be found in the midst of an emotional maelstrom. I worked my way through the bullshit and found myself in the eye of the storm. Once there, I realised that I'm not a little girl...

I'm frakking badass!

So it's time this little girl grew up and owned up to her convictions.

But don't worry, "growing up" doesn't mean "acting like a grown up." You wont see me eating All-Bran and watching "The National", or running any frakking marathons. Oh no! I'm going to keep on doing just what I'm been doing. Because it's been amazing!