I blame the fact that Ottawa Comiccon is done for another year (no more cosplay stress for awhile) AND that I ended up winning Best in Show in the Comiccon Masquerade. That was quite the confidence boost and made the stress all worth it. :)
But in this lovely relaxing post-Comiccon glow, my mind has once again turned to the one thing that continues to bother me, even when I'm as contented as I've ever been: my singleness.
Through the haze of sad single-girl-ness, though, there's a thought that can't help but shine through. I really don't NEED a man. Clearly, I'm doing fine without one. And for some reason, that bothers me. My mind is conflicted.
I crave romantic companionship. Sex is not even the issue. It's the closeness I want. The kisses and cuddles and deep conversations. The kind of man that is more than a friend, and more than a friend with benefits.
I've come close, oh so close, but right now the problem is that I can only offer a short-term relationship. I mean, I'm leaving the country next year. And now that I'm looking at men who are in the area of 30 and up, they are mostly looking for a long-term relationship. Or a quick lay. Either way, it leaves me with precious little to work with.
But these days, every time I get disappointed about my lack of romantic prospects, I can't even take myself seriously! The emotional part of my brain says "I'm lonesome! I need a cuddle!", then the logical part says "Pfffft, you've gone without cuddles for long enough to know that you can survive perfectly well without one." And I can't help but take my logical side more seriously, ha ha ha!
For the most part, I find my own whinging to be half-hearted now. A couple months ago, my loneliness was a ravenous wolf tearing up my soul....
....but now, it's more like a wrinkly little pug, staring at me with sad googly eyes. Still there, but far less threatening...
Sad pug Leah just wants a cuddle.
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