On Dominance

Warning, this is a little NSFW and TMI, but something that was on my mind, so I want to write it out :P

Recently, someone asked me if I'd ever asserted dominance in bed, seeing as I generally have a size advantage (I'm a tall and sturdy lass, so it's tricky to find a man taller and sturdier, ha ha ha!). I admit, most of my partners have been smaller than me in some way, either in height or frame (or both!). However, I haven't pulled the dominance card with that many of them.

My first thought was that it seemed unfair to use my size advantage, so I didn't. But then, as I thought if it more, it became more of a confidence or personality issue; more about the relationship dynamic. And it's kind of interesting to think about.

I've had partners who were physically smaller, but who had an alpha streak that I simply didn't consider challenging. But on the flip side, partners who were actually stronger, and who could (and did) physically overpower me, but I still fought against - playfully, of course ;)

More importantly, I've also had a couple of partners where I didn't even care that I could probably kick their asses in a fight, I HAD take charge. It just felt right.

I really never paid attention to it, but looking back and thinking about it, I see a trend: the partners where I took charge (with a few exceptions) were all egotistical and kind of jack-ass-y (though good-looking and charming enough to get into the non-discriminating bed of my early-20's self, ha ha!). Without knowing it, I felt a subconscious need to assert myself as dominant - perhaps I sensed some kind of weakness in them?

It really made me wonder if there isn't more of the animal in us as humans. Once we're stripped down bare, both physically and emotionally, what else is there but instinct? I mean, no wonder sex is such a horrifyingly powerful tool for abusers! A person can talk big and posture all they like, but when it comes down to brass tacks (or silk sheets), maybe instinct is what truly drives us. When we're naked, maybe we're all just members of a wolf pack trying to figure out what the pecking order is. Or even predator/prey in the unhealthier aspects.

Or maybe I just think too much about sex :P

Either way, it's been interesting to go back in time and look at my past partners in a new light :P