On Self-Inflicted Torture

I have a bad habit of developing crushes on guys and deciding to stay friends with them. As time goes on, I'm starting to realize that this may not be the smartest Idea I've ever had

Every year or two, I meet a guy that I fall hard for (It happens, I guess, ha ha!), and when I realize that nothing is going to happen between us (as it always does), I have my little cry and get over it. And since I get over it, of COURSE I can stay friends with them, right?

Well, I don't know how right it is, because it always goes a little bit wrong.

The problem with crushes (at least, with me) is that I never get over them 100%. It's more like 99%. That tiny 1% lingers in my heart and whispers "What if?" and "...but you never gave me a chance!" This is a purely emotional response, of course, and my rational being knows that it's a good thing we didn't get together.

The other problem is that I don't like not having friends, so I cant justify purposefully losing one just because his romantic potential dwindled to zero.

The result? A lamentable state that I find myself in far too often: witnessing a man I still have 1% of feelings for falling in love with another woman. Or my best friend. Or asking me for advice on how to woo another woman.

I'm happy, of course, when said male friends are happy and in love. And I'm happy to help in cases when romantic advice is solicited (what a laugh coming from me, eh?) or if a sympathetic ear is needed.

I'm not so happy that every time this happens, it's like pouring a drop of lemon juice on a tiny open wound. It's a bearable pain, certainly, but it's a teensy pain that just won't go away and gets pricked again and again.

And so I ask myself again and again: why do I keep doing this? I mean REALLY?