On Moments of Hopelessness

It's been one of those evenings.

One of those horrible times when, just for a while, nothing goes right. And it just spirals into chaos.

It starts small: a supper ruined, a little feeling of loneliness...

And now, there's just one phrase that keeps popping into my head: "Is this it?"

I mean, of course, this isn't it. I know that there's a great big world out there, full of wonderful and exciting things. It just seems like, for the moment, it's ever so far away from me.

I suddenly feel like the little world that I've been living in, where I'm comfortable in my own skin, and happy with myself, and pleased with my own accomplishments and skill set, is just not enough. I feel an emptiness that I've always been able to fill with odd hobbies and intellectual pursuits.

I come home, eat supper, pet the cat, then spend the evening indulging in one of my many little hobbies or trying to keep my apartment clean. But I'm not making friends on a scale that I should be at my age. I'm not very good at it. I like people, I love my friends, but I don't like going out. I never do.

And if I don't sort myself out soon, I'm going to be THAT woman. You know the one. The one who never goes out and just gets frumpier and frumpier as the years go by, then finally ends up in some kind of institution, alone.

And I feel powerless to stop it.

And where did all this come from? From a spoiled supper and bad hormonal timing.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.