On Destiny

Some people believe that the universe (God, fate, destiny, Karma, etc.) send you signs of some kind to guide you in the right direction or to let you know you're on the right track or somesuch.

And to be quite frank, I'm worried.

Now, what I'm about to write will seem awfully silly to those reading, but it's been something that's been on my mind for awhile now.

I wonder sometimes, if the universe isn't trying to warn me, to prepare me even, for the fact that I'm never going to have children of my own.

The first hint is the obvious one: my inability to develop meaningful relationships in my adulthood. A little bit of a dramatic a statement, maybe, but I'm at the age when many of my peers are getting married or at least in long-term relationships. Not to mention that my younger sister is already married.

The next hint is that I have a cat that, at times, acts an awful lot like a child. Mostly when she snuggles up to me. Don't worry, I'm not one of those crazy broads that thinks that my pet is my child, ha ha ha. But every now and then, the way Pandora snuggles up against me and wraps a paw around my fingers or arm, or curls up in the crook of my arm, is just the way a little infant would. Maybe it's the closest I'll ever get; a poor facsimile of the real thing.

The last is my natural penchant for teaching. They say that those who can't, teach. Even though I started late, I took to teaching like a fish to water. Maybe I'm destined to spend my life teaching children because I'll never have one of my own to teach. Who knows?

I'm not saying that I truly believe any of this, but it kinda bothers me. It's a thought that I keep turning back to, and I something tells me that it will keep bothering me until something happens that will prove otherwise.

So do we have a destiny? Or is our destiny one that we shape for ourselves? Am I doomed to be a spinster because all signs point to yes? Or am I creating the signs that are pointing to spinsterhood?

Oy.