To be honest, nothing much has changed.
Okay, so I've moved a few times. First to a basement at Lincoln Fields, then to my current residence at Bayshore. But really, I'm still in the same place mentally as I was last year, and the year before. Still looking for love, still alone.
I feel like when I live in Ottawa, I'm stagnant. I still hang out with all the same people at more or less the same places. Not that this is all bad...I mean, I love my friends dearly. The problem lies in the fact that I'm not meeting NEW people and going to new places. On the other hand, whenever I travel, I made wonderful friends that I'm able to keep in touch with even across years and continents. I feel that if I had easier access to my friends overseas, I would get out a lot more and meet more new people. Not sit like a lump on my couch wishing I was in England, or France, or even Korea.
As for love, it's the same old story. Leah meets boy, Leah likes boy, boy doesn't reciprocate and eventually drifts away, unwilling to even maintain a friendship. I read somewhere that motifs tend to repeat in one's life in order to teach a lesson. The hard part is recognizing the pattern. My issue is that I see the pattern oh so clearly, but am hopeless when it comes to deciphering the lesson. I hate to think that I'm meant to be alone. Even as I write that, tears are forming in my eyes. I just have so much love to give, and every time I find someone to love, they're snatched away by the hand of Destiny.
I feel, in matters of the heart, that I'm constantly filled beyond capacity, like a dairy cow that needs to be milked and bellows in pain until the farmer comes to relieve the aching pressure. Strange simile, I know. I read it in a book somewhere, and it very adequately describes how I feel.
*sigh* Okay, enough of that silliness, I should get to bed. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow...
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