More or less ever since I was old enough to have a crush, I've been dreaming about men. Mostly kissing them, and occasionally doing other things with them. ;)
That seems to have changed somewhat.
I'm still dreaming of eligible men, but there isn't that romantic aspect to it anymore. And when I say "dreaming", I mean actually dreaming, at night as I sleep. Muriel suggested that it might signify a kind of romantic maturity, as in I'm respecting men as more than just potential romantic interest. And maybe, after being single for nigh on a year, having an ultimately disappointing crush, and spending too much time with celibate Buddhist monks, there's something to Muriel's theory.
I'd like to think that I've matured. That I've grown beyond the need to seek out sex or romantic companionship. Not that I would reject romance if it presented itself to me, but I don't pine without it.
Sure, I still have my moments of "Why don't boys like me?" but they're infrequent and very superficial. I'm often caught in some strange inner struggle. Deep down, I'm more than content to be alone. I mean, I like my own company...But some socially conditionned part of me keeps reminding me that nearly all my friends are pairing off and ALL of my immediate family already has.
I'm perfectly happy, but there's a little nagging voice that keeps saying "Be sad that you're single! Feel like a failure!" But I'm not sad and I don't feel like a failure. It's a little and superficial voice, but it's still there and I don't know what to make of it.
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